Great Western Coffee Shop

To try to cheer you all up when there seems to be so much misery around on the railways, and prompted by my post in the North Downs section, I thought I would draw your attention to a subject so  far sadly neglected in the coffee shop, and one to which there seem to be many unanswered questions - Antimacassars!

Is there someone at GWR in charge of them? I have a mental image of a retired serviceman, who still wears a bowler hat, based in a dingy office somewhere above Paddington Station who has never forgiven that upstart Hopwood for insisting he gave up his morning suit with stripey trousers for an ill-fitting dark green blazer.

What does the franchise agreement provide about antimacassars? Is there a whole schedule specifying which seats on which trains should use them, and a standard specification that the TOC must follow? Does OPRAF (sorry - ORR) have a department dedicated to monitoring each TOC's performance in discharging their antimacassar performance? Do they publish league tables? Is Govia only holding onto its Southeastern and Thameslink franchises because of its exemplary antimacassar record?

Was the BR antimacassar operation privatised in the 1990s? Was it sold to an overseas bank that now ties TOCs up in expensive leasing deals they cannot afford to break for the supply of ORR compliant antimacassars?

What happens to the antimacassars when a franchise comes to an end? Are they cascaded through the system like rolling stock? Do Cornish branch lines and northern rural routes still use BR era antimacassars with the double arrow symbol? Is there a large store of redundant antimacassars at Long Marston, with a particularly large section for the former East Coast Main Line operators?

Is there a Network Rail team that tests antimacassars, using a test train comprising two old diesel engines with a converted mark 1 coach between them testing antimacassars throughout the network painted yellow? Will it soon be replaced by two redundant HST power cars with an HST coach between them so we can at last test antimacassars under air conditioning? Do they use a British Railways standard antimacassar testing hair oil, formulated on nationalisation after extensive testing of the test hair oils of the big four companies?

Is there a well documented history of railway antimacassars? Can you find copies of books with titles like "Antimacassars of the Great Western Railway, 1923 to Nationalisation" in secondhand bookshops or Abe Books? What were the contributions of Churchward, Gresley and Stanier to the development of the antimacassar? Did BR test a tilting antimacassar in the 1970s., only to abandon the project when they discovered that their failure to return to the upright position caused well oiled journalists to feel ill?   

I think the travelling public is entitled to answers to these questions, and any more that your fertile minds may come up with. Coffee Shop members  we await your replies!

What I'd like to know is how many people still use Macassar Oil on their hair?

Shouldn't the pieces of fabric be renamed Antihairproducts or Antisebums?

Having some hair would be nice for some of us.

Be careful what you say - "antimacassar" can now be understood to identify a serious hate crime. Perhaps a safer alternative is anti-ylang-ylang.

Surely that bit at least must be true!

If you can't, then I suspect it's the only aspect of the Official GWR (not to be confused with the upstart Provisional GWR) that hasn't been written about.

The Provisional GWR!

I like it. ;D ;D ;D

If they get the contract extensions do they become Continuity GWR?

I think all this summer sunshine has rather gone to the OP's head! 😨

The Proprietors of the Macassar Oil can proudly appeal to an enlightened and judicious Public for the unrivalled efficacy of this Oil. They wish not to deceive or delude by rhetorical declamations or bombast language — they solicit only the test of experience, and with confidence they can affirm, that the more it is known in a higher degree of estimation will it be held. The utility is evinced by preserving the hair from falling off or changing colour, and its elegance by producing the most smooth and beautiful gloss ever known. Thus to the fairest and most amiable part of the creation it must prove an invaluable advantage, its virtues being so great an auxiliary to heighten their charms. To expatiate more on the subject would be superfluous; suffice it to say, that the Macassar Oil is perfectly innocuous; and it will retain its virtues in any climate; therefore, it is earnestly recommended to Ladies or Gentlemen going abroad.

1807 advertising copy.

The stuff is quite expensive these days. But worry not folks. Smooth and glossy hair can be achieved with a couple Bob Martins a day!

I had a Victorian Aunt who was always making these, like samplers, and always bringing them with her on a visit. She was  the sort of person who always ran everyone down and she became known within the family as Aunty Massacre !

A good question for many especially those unfamiliar with travelling might be, what is one?    ;)

Personally I'm proud to be pro macassar.

It appears that the word has become less popular than it used to be.  That may be because of a dumbing down of the English language, a lessening of the amount of grease on people's hair lessening the need for such things, the higher proportion of passengers standing, or modern seat cloths that are easier to clean without an extra layer of protection.

(http://www.wellho.net/pix/amw.jpg)

Its that, usually white, piece of material placed over the headrest of a seat to hopefully stop Brylcreem plastered hair from transferring the grease contained within the Brylcreem to the headrest and thus onto the next unsuspecting passengers hair who sits in the seat. Mind you, the grease is transferred to the thingy placed over the headrest and then onto the next unsuspecting passenger to place their head against the said headrest instead.

Examples I can recall are ones with BR woven into the fabric, a red embroidered BR arrow. a Pullman Coat of Arms embroidered in ones used on the Blue Pullman Trains, and I have seen ones with a swallow Inter-City livery motif which looked like a cheap screen printed product. Cost cutting measures resulted in what I can only describe and disposable 'Airtex' paper ones being used in more recent times.

At the end of their service life, antimacassars are sold cheaply to a small hotel in Torquay.

Do they sell them on to collectors ?

Soiled antimacassars and Warty Towels!


...or armchairs.

This would depend on whether "antimacassar" is interpreted to refer to the entire clan or only to Dougal MacAssar, the infamous Butcher of the High Chairs, who won his famous victory at Grey Seeback in 1786 by throwing oil under the hooves of the advancing cavalry.

Dougal and his young nephew Sròin Mhòr MacAssar, are ancestors of mine.

Were they famous haggis hunters ? or am I confusing them with another family of a similar name ?

Is haggis hunting still allowed ? Hunting of wild mammals with dogs has been banned, but are haggis mammals ? I think that they might be rodents, distantly related to coypu, guinea pigs, and the giant edible rats found overseas.

Rodents are mammals!

Tsk! Only a Sassenach would mistake a haggis for a rodent! The haggis is, of course, not an animal at all and it is certainly not hunted – that's merely a coincidence of vocabulary. It is quarried in much the same way and usually the very same site as Aberdeen granite.

Aye laddie thars aboot reight,''tis why you've to put the wee beasties inna pot tee cook em aboot the end of November or they'll no be ready for The feasting fur Burns night !.

So that's what happened to the bagpipe spider that so frightened Tim Brooke-Taylor....

And now for something completely different.

Because it's Friday !
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T8XeDvKqI4E.

Moderators please - this thread has drifted badly off-topic, from important railway equipment, via a sheep offal based regional food to vintage TV comedy.

Back on topic, I had a moment of inspiration while enjoying my antimacassar on a standard class only train this evening. The conundrum - why does GWR remove them (inconsistently it has to be said) when first class seats are downgraded on standard only services? As the main purpose seems to be protecting seat fabric, surely us standard class folk are as likely to wear hair product as first class passengers. The antimacassars are marked First Class on the outer side, so why not mark them standard class on the reverse, and turn them around when the trains run on standard only services.

Bi-mode antimacassars - just what the modern hi-tech railway needs! I feel a Dragons' Den pitch coming on!

I'll give you 50p for 85% of the business.

First (or is that first) class question. The trains in our area are First and it's OK to travel on them on a standard ticket provided that you are not in first. The antimacassars on the seats help you identify what is first within First as opposed to what is First but not first.

It's all a matter of impressions and expectations, isn't it? Does your first First first standard and your first First standard standard reliably tell you about the First standard first standard and the First standard standard standard? And would the presence of absence of antimacassars help you to adjust your expectations of these standards first? (No, not expectorations, please, this is first class).

Too many years ago I remember asking my Mum what a sign meant on a Portsmouth Corporation Bus (Heavens light our guide, did that stop them getting lost?).  The sign was No expectorating on the upper deck. After being told it meant spitting, the innocent youth asked does that mean it's ok downstairs (some mothers do have them). I wonder how many Portsmouth dockers understood the sign.

I think antimassicars should be standard on all trains, the refurbished GWR HST and IETS all have peoples hairs and goodness knows what else on the seats, not hygenic!

As a child, I used to visit a relation who had her front parlour festooned with the fings. Chair backs , chair arms , you name it the little lacy things were everywhere, dropping off, getting creased and they almost literally got up everyone's nose. I always called it going to Aunty Massacres...somehow the name stuck in the family for years......