Great Western Coffee Shop

It is Christmas, the season of goodwill and beer, and a time when parlour games are still played by some of the people who still have a parlour, plus some friends and/or relatives. So here goes:

Luxulyan.

(Note to participants: I haven't thought of a purpose for this yet, nor any rules other than the Tudor Court Rules don't apply anywhere west of Ealing, and you can't be offside with an Advance Single ticket, unless you are half of a "Two Together" card. The winner will become obvious, and indeed may be already.)

Well sorry to be so obvious, but Bodmin Parkway.

Blimey, I wasn't expecting that so early in the game! Tricky.

St Andrews Road.

I'll let that go, assuming you went via Henbury...

Nooo, not the 'Henbury Loop'!

I think I can traverse to Narberth as this is Tudor Court?

Ledbury.

Look, if you're not going to take this seriously, it could end up looking pointless.


You've done this before, haven't you? I can tell!


Yes, very good call. Paul Pogba would be proud of that one.

Gomshall

Yes!!!

North Camp.

Yatton.

It's not Wednesday, so...

Camborne.

Before the war, my father would have wheeled out his trusty Pensford Surprise at this point... but sadly I can do no better than Hopton Heath!

Thought we were doing Great Western?   But good call otherwise.

Good grief, did I say Hopton Heath? I must have had a dewy-eyed aberration; of course I meant to say Leominster...

...I am right in thinking that I can have an open station on a closed Great Western route, as long as I use my 'Family and Friends Railcard'?

I was just about to claify that, as it is an eve eve, then diagonals are also allowed, which means

Swindon Town.

Edited to add:  I've just received a PM from a Mrs Trellis of north Wales.

Midland and South West Junction though - not GWR

Is she feeling a bit below Par?

Ha! Good play! That would have put you into Nidd only a couple of days ago.

Right; enough of this shilly-shallying: PADDINGTON!

Edit: assuming there are no Infrastructure problems in Thames Valley causing disruption elsewhere...

Assuming there's no huffing West of Didcot Parkway, I'm 'travelling short' to Oldfield Park.

Very nice... I think we all know what comes next..!

Playing Routeing Guide rules are we?

In that case I'm playing my wildcard. Taunton.

Chippenham?.

or crinkly bottom.

Played right into my hands!

Melksham.

Thank you, ladies and gents.

Close, but no cigar, as Mr Brunel nearly said! Dispatch Box had Chippenham, so you're going to have to think again (or not). This could all end up in a jumble of string (or knot).

It's Sunday, Tony! Westbury switchback (or 'circulation') is allowed as long as no other player has declared a void.

Was going to put Melksham, then chose Chippenham.

Westbury.

He has a point there, neither Stovold's nor Bradshaws guides for that matter have anything to dispute that. Only applies to Southern Region.

Oh boy, is my face red! But circulation comes under the Code Napoleon, doesn't it?

...which, as I think you know very well, applies in the cinque villes of west Wiltshire.

How about Maiden Newton for a crafty token exchange?

I've obviously got the wrong end of the stick: I thought we were playing the Great Western version of 'Mornington Crescent', or Melksham as it is more commonly called. I hadn't anticipated that Pratchett's Variant was in play! So:

Tooting Bec.

Well, we can carry on playing the game but we've just heard that Samantha has had to nip out. She's off to Paddington to meet a gentleman friend who is coming up from the West Country. He's a bit of a nervous traveller so Samantha has prepared two itineraries for him: one from Temple Meads and one from Parkway. However she's told him he'll have to work out for himself which of her Bristols is better.

As Samantha has nipped out, does that mean we are all in Nip until she returns with some refreshments? 
Apparently she's prepared lashings of ginger ale and lemononde and is eager to know which of her two big jugs the forum will be guzzling from.


Oh, nevermind, Sven's popped in fresh from the gramaphone department where he's been eagerly pulling the attendant's 12 inches out ready for Sound Charades.

Can we increment from Twoting Bec to Three Bridges under the old Gatport variant?

Four Oaks ?

Oooh! One of you could be as little as one out! Samantha may be able to help when she gets back from the hospital New Years Party, always a lively affair. She is helping a comedy anaesthetist choose volunteers from assembled students. She says they are always astonished when they see him knock one out on stage.

Por olla Sevenoaks after the storm!

I am told it was not necessarily the storm that did for Threeoaks. Apparently, Sven was seen nearby, waving his mighty chopper on the station footbridge, with Samantha desperately trying to toss him off.

A PM from Mrs Trellis of north Wales:
Dear Grantham, she writes, I'm woried about the poles holding up my washing line.  Come 29th march, will they have to go home?
Yours etc.


Incidentally, we've forgotten that as it's still Christmas until tomorrow, we should be playing Bethlehem rules, festive stations count double.

Kings Sutton.

In that case: Eggesford!

Berrylands.

Turkey Street.

Cheshunt stuffing perhaps?

These are very splendid answers, and show a great deal of thought! Our two assistants have been going through each others lists of stations on their ipads. Sven has scrolled through Samantha's list to the very last, but Samantha is stuck on his Wood End, so won't be able to help for a while.

Twelveth day of Christmas - so can I smurf to Drumchapel?

Samantha has to leave now. Her gentleman friend is taking her on a short break to North Wales. She's hoping he'll take her to Llandudno and Bangor.

Didn,t we have a lovely time the day we went to Bangor! We had lunch on the way, all for under a pound you know...……


That record from 1980.

1979

One hit wonder from Fiddlers Dram. Iirc.

Although I seem to remember I first heard it on junior choice in 1980.

Possibly! But where are you all coming from?

Playing Father Abraham's Gambit? Fiendish! I'll play the next 2 moves out at Ivybridge then.

In that case I'm smurfing out of Warrington Bank Quay.

Flowery Field.

If you wonder how that's possible, note that it contains the word "Lower" and it's symmetrically placed within the first word

Haha, one for the history books there but surely admissible and it frees me for an off peak return to Paddington, thank you.

You absolute bounder sir! Stay away from the Bakerloo line...

Hmm, picture of Terry Thomas could not download properly but you get the drift. Sadly can only slime my way to Euston.

On the way back, we smoked some crack, and drank a gallon of cider...


I thought they were off to Polynesia. He told me he was going to take her to Fiji and Tonga.

Anyway, it has been lovely to see some of you dressed in blue, with white hats.

Following the snow we've been having this week, Samantha's a little disappointed as she's never experienced less than 9 inches before.

Very sad news to hear that regular "I'm Sorry I Haven't  A Clue" panelist Jeremy Hardy passed away today.

BBC News - Jeremy Hardy: Comedian and Radio 4 panel star dies aged 57
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-47056671

His wonderfully bad singing in the ISIHAC games "One Song to the Tune of Another", "Pick Up Song" and "Singer and the Song" were comedy gold.

Jeremy was a committed believer in social justice and, away from comedy, campaigned on many issues; from the wrongful imprisonment of the Guildford Four, the plight of Palestinians at the hands of a repressive Israel, refugees, as well as highlighting the plight of the homeless and poverty stricken.

He was wonderfully adept at skewering politicians on "The News Quiz", and poking fun, often very acerbicly, at the monarchy and its sycophants. He didn't hide his republican views. Once ranting about the royal family when asks to talk for a minute about 'parasites' on "Just A Minute". Comments that drew boos from the audience.

My kind of comedian. RIP Jeremy.

I was shocked when I heard the news, as I hadn't realised he had cancer. Very sad.

I thought it was unfortunate that the BBC made more of his singing, which was almost as bad as mine, than his humour in their first memories of him.