Perhaps a Luxemberg style fare system would help speed up the buses ...
With apologies to William S Gilbert...
As some day it may happen that I’ll be delayed by clowns
I’ve got a little list, I’ve got a little list
Of the frequent re-offenders who are found in my home town
The buggers can’t be missed; I wish they could be missed
There’s the blighters who don’t get off when they’ve rung the bell to stop
And idiots who seem surprised to have to pay for their monthly shop
And those who ask daft question when the ticket office has a queue
Like will the train be on time next Wednesday when my mother goes to Crewe
And the people who bang on about that no buffet exists
I’ve got em on the list, I’ve got em on the list
I’ve got a little list, I’ve got s little list
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed
There’s those that always rummage for the bus pass or the fare
And the fare evasionist – I’ve got him on the list
Or the drivers when you say hello pretends you’re just not there
They never would be missed, they never would be missed
And the idiot who praises in enthusiastic tone
All bus companies but this on every route except his own
And the old dear from the Care Home who takes an hour to get on
And longer to get off because her friend talks on and on
But it really doesn’t matter who I put upon my list
‘cos they’d none of em be missed, not one of them be missed