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broadgage
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« Reply #45 on: September 30, 2017, 14:59:51 » |
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Railway joke, said to be a genuine letter from a customer.
Due to worsening overcrowding, some morning rush hour trains had been made longer. Letter from customer.
"Whilst I am glad to see that extra carriages have at last been provided, why did you put the extra carriages at the back of the train ? Surely the FRONT of the train should have been lengthened as that is the busy end."
And one that I have actually seen* the letter !
"Dear Sir, please instruct your drivers to park closer to the platform. Sometimes they leave a large gap, down which a child or elderly person could fall"
Addressed to the station master at Woking.
*A breach of data protection rules no doubt.
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A proper intercity train has a minimum of 8 coaches, gangwayed throughout, with first at one end, and a full sized buffet car between first and standard.
It has space for cycles, surfboards,luggage etc.
A 5 car DMU▸ is not a proper inter-city train. The 5+5 and 9 car DMUs are almost as bad.
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Red Squirrel
Administrator
Hero Member
Posts: 5216
There are some who call me... Tim
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« Reply #46 on: October 01, 2017, 17:33:24 » |
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"Apparently, you can fly from Lulsgate to west Africa now!"
"Kenya?"
"As long as you don't mind changing at Schiphol."
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Things take longer to happen than you think they will, and then they happen faster than you thought they could.
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Chris from Nailsea
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« Reply #47 on: October 01, 2017, 20:31:51 » |
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Pedant mode on: Kenya is East Africa. Pedant mode off. CfN.  |
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William Huskisson MP▸ was the first person to be killed by a train while crossing the tracks, in 1830. Many more have died in the same way since then. Don't take a chance: stop, look, listen.
"Level crossings are safe, unless they are used in an unsafe manner." Discuss.
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Red Squirrel
Administrator
Hero Member
Posts: 5216
There are some who call me... Tim
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« Reply #48 on: October 01, 2017, 20:59:31 » |
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Laze and gemmen, introducing Mr and Mrs Bennett-Doncha-Knowyereastfromiour-West, and their son Gordon.
I even double-checked on Google Maps...
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Things take longer to happen than you think they will, and then they happen faster than you thought they could.
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47714
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« Reply #49 on: October 02, 2017, 21:12:27 » |
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Yesterday, a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently 'In HD' wasn't the correct answer.
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47714
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« Reply #50 on: October 02, 2017, 21:14:05 » |
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If I was a plastic surgeon...
I would 100% put a squeaky toy in every breast implant.
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JayMac
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« Reply #51 on: October 02, 2017, 22:01:53 » |
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Have I posted my déjà vu joke?
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"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the rest of the day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
- Sir Terry Pratchett.
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TonyK
Global Moderator
Hero Member
Posts: 6438
The artist formerly known as Four Track, Now!
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« Reply #52 on: October 02, 2017, 22:36:59 » |
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Have I posted my déjà vu joke?
Not sure. I don't believe in reincarnation, although I did in a previous life. Shall we leave it to the experts? Here? |
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« Last Edit: October 02, 2017, 22:45:00 by Four Track, Now! »
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Now, please!
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JayMac
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« Reply #53 on: October 02, 2017, 23:26:42 » |
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I bought the Christmas tree today.
The sales assistant asked, "Will you be putting it up yourself?"
"No." I replied. "In the corner of the living room like everyone else."
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"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the rest of the day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
- Sir Terry Pratchett.
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Chris from Nailsea
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« Reply #54 on: October 02, 2017, 23:57:05 » |
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"As long as you don't mind changing at Schiphol."
Isn't that something you have to do with a baby's nappy?  |
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William Huskisson MP▸ was the first person to be killed by a train while crossing the tracks, in 1830. Many more have died in the same way since then. Don't take a chance: stop, look, listen.
"Level crossings are safe, unless they are used in an unsafe manner." Discuss.
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JayMac
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« Reply #55 on: October 03, 2017, 00:15:55 » |
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If I was a plastic surgeon...
I would 100% put a squeaky toy in every breast implant.
I used to be a plastic surgeon. That raised a few eyebrows. |
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"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the rest of the day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
- Sir Terry Pratchett.
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TonyK
Global Moderator
Hero Member
Posts: 6438
The artist formerly known as Four Track, Now!
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« Reply #56 on: October 03, 2017, 19:53:06 » |
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Me: "Waiter, I'd like some mineral water please".
Waiter : "Do you want it still, sir?"
Me: "No. Get me a beer."
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Now, please!
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Trowres
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« Reply #57 on: October 03, 2017, 20:05:01 » |
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Engineer to students: The device on the locomotive roof is called a pantograph...
Student: but a pantograph is a drawing instrument!
Engineer (thinks quickly): That's right!... the train draws current through it.
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johnneyw
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« Reply #58 on: October 03, 2017, 20:05:56 » |
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Hedgehogs, why not just share the hedge?
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Trowres
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« Reply #59 on: October 03, 2017, 20:27:36 » |
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A couple of gloomy railway managers at the bar:
GWR▸ manager: I'm avoiding Bristol - passengers are angry we can't get conductors in our trains there.
NR» manager: No kidding! We can't get conductors above your trains either!
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