Animals v trains - inevitably, only one possible result: some appalling puns!

[whole diary]

[vacmanfan]

E.Brown - this is not the time or the plaice to be discussing sensitive BTP^▸ (British Transport Police) steak out information.

Some one needs to take the bull by the horns and end this.  The thread is just floundering now.  Infact just reading it makes me feel eel.

[smokey]

I think you are all missing the point of this. It's a tragic incident that causes serious delays to all those who are involved.

Network Rail have done a fantastic job clearing the site as quickly as possible; partly due to BTPs^▸ (British Transport Police) quick attendance on site - which is due to them being on a steak out nearby. It's this form of collaboration that is worthy of being talked about not silly puns.

The line might be open but last time I looked the remains where dumped in the CESS.
And I know exactly how a XC^▸ (Cross Country Trains (franchise)) Vomit comet bounces going over such an Animal as I was on 1S47 0n New years day.

And whilst Some off you make light of this, is it in Train Crew T&C's to act as Butchers in pulling sawing and Hacking at a lump of meat (about a Ton of it!).
Or would you like some details of the Ladys Injuries I saw after a fatal Crossing accident, make fiun of that would you!

[trainer]

I think the fun is entirely at the expense of the English language not the undoubted distress of those involved in these events.  Those who work in the emergency services are well used to dark humour to get them through awful situations.  No-one (I hope) on here would be so callous as to mock real people in terrible trouble.

As for all these terrible fish puns which seem to have crept in, I wouldn't be surprised if they have appeared in whiting elsewhere.

[chuffed]

 think Chris from NailSEA...we locals call it 'Nellzee' ....may have thought we were all becoming somewhat  mollyCODDLED and decided to give this another fry, by going off bream a bit. I take the blame for casting the net wider,to catch some more puns and now that the chips are down, fully expect to be battered for doing so.

[Kernow Otter]

Gets the seal of approval from me.

[JayMac]

There's a time and a plaice for silly puns.

We're in 'The Lighter Side' here so I don't think there's any issue with a little bit of frivolity. Okay, the humour is a little on the dark side and at the expense of an animal or two who have had the misfortune to lose an argument with a train.

Obviously, I can't speak for the dedicated staff who have to clear up the mess, but one would hope that our making light of these incidents isn't causing any grave offence.

As long as there is no serious consequence from these animal/train interfaces, I see no need for moderator intervention.

Laughter (or with these puns: groaning) is the best medicine. Obviously that medicine is of little use to My Little Pony, Ermintrude etc etc....

I'll finish by telling of an incident involving wildlife from a train I was on. At line speed between Warminster and Salisbury I heard a 'thump, thump, thump' from up front. I then saw a cloud of grey feathery matter pin wheel past the window I was sat at. On arrival at Salisbury I went up front to see that the 158 had a new bright red and speckled grey livery. I asked the driver whether he'd hit some pigeons and he said, and I quote: "Yep, got three of the f******, but one got away! I'll get him on the return trip."

[Chris from Nailsea]

From the BBC^» (British Broadcasting Corporation - home page):

East Midlands Trains delays after deer hit at Kettering

Rail passengers faced delays of up to an hour after a train struck what was believed to be a person.

The collision in Kettering at about 14:00 GMT affected East Midlands Trains' services between Kettering and Wellingborough.

Passengers were initially told the accident involved a "person" who had been "hit by a train".

Emergency services were called but nobody was found in the search. A deer, however, was spotted lying nearby.

[vacmanfan]

The usual STAGnant reporting from the BBC^» (British Broadcasting Corporation - home page)

[Ollie]

Oh deer.

[Chris from Nailsea]

Doe! 

[TonyK]

As for all these terrible fish puns which seem to have crept in, I wouldn't be surprised if they have appeared in whiting elsewhere.

for Cod's sake!

[JayMac]

Don't you mean 'for cod's hake'?

[TonyK]

Don't you mean 'for cod's hake'?

Onl :oy if you are herring me correctly. It  could turn out that this is a load of carp.

[Chris from Nailsea]

Would the DNA kits that some public transport bodies provide to their staff have been of use?

May've helped identify the species. 

Deciding whether it was probably a horse, rather than possibly a cow, for example? 

[grahame]

Deciding whether it was probably a horse, rather than possibly a cow, for example? 

Well - that will help decide whether to send the meat off for beefburger or - err - beefburgers